Frustrating?

Peace of mind. Security. Happiness. Joy. Free from worry. Having all your needs met. Having extra to share. Freedom. Success. Self worth. Confidence. Positive lifestyles. Contentment.

What do all of these themes or words or ideas have in common in today's world? We attribute them all to money. Wealth. Possessions. Mammon.

What should they all have in common and be attributed to? God. Alone.

None of these things can come in a lasting way from money, possessions, life plans or long-term financial security. Sure, maybe for a moment. But then you will just set your mind once more on worry and money, trying to achieve these things by your own strength.

And it's frustrating. Incredibly frustrating. Why, you may ask? Because as much as I claim to know that all these things come from God alone in a lasting way, and as much as I claim to know that God will meet all my needs and then some if I just obey Him, and as much as I claim to know that true Prosperity in my life comes not from what I can do and how much I can make but how much I give of myself and my stuff to others, in turn allowing God to bless me, I just dont' really get it.

Maybe it's because I'm subconsiously (or blatantly) refusing to give up my comforts to follow Jesus. Maybe it's because everything I know from God regarding this gets shot up and chewed on then spit out by almost everyone I know, and everything I see on tv and hear on the radio. Maybe it's because God just doesn't make sense some times and I'm too stubborn to let Him remake me and allow me to see His ways, to the extent I am able. Maybe it's a stronghold in my life that needs to be broken. I don't know. I'm not sure if I really want to know, because then that means I have a responsibility to do something about it.

As soon as I know for sure what is causing this it can be got rid of, Jesus offers us that opportunity. And He'll even show us what the problem is that He will fix. But then that means I might not have comforts anymore. I might not have the respect of loved ones, friends and even those who don't know me. People might think I'm weird because I don't cling to money like everyone and their dog. People might call me crazy because I believe that by giving money away to those in need, even if I need it for something else, will in turn release a bigger blessing from God in my life than I would have thought possible.

People might call me stupid for believing that by trusting God alone (I mean really, you can't even see Him... right...) for prosperity in my life, the biblical definition of prosperity being that ALL of my needs are met, those around me are blessed, that I would have no worry, I would have peace and joy and a supernatural element in my life. And they would call me stupid (maybe in their heads this time) for not trusting a paycheck or a job that is thousands of miles from where my heart is.

Maybe I need to learn to trust God's opinion of myself, and start believing whole-heartedly what He says about Himself. Maybe then I'll find the strength He offers us that will enable me to step out in the confidence and obey Him, wherever it may take me. Whether it's to bible school, Steinbach, China, the Middle east or the west Coast of north America. And maybe I'll be able to trust that He'll take care of me better than a paycheck or a job ever could even begin to hope to.

The birds and the flowers are clothed and fed and nourished, more beautiful than all the splendor of Solomon. But apparently we, the beloved children of God and Brides of the bridegroom are only going to be taken care of if we have a steady (large) paycheck, retirement savings and a "proper" education.

I'm sorry but that sounds to me like a load of crap. Especially if I'm claiming to follow Jesus of Nazereth. And yet I still find myself believing this lie like a sucker, time and time and time again. I'll be praying then I'll find my mind wander and start calculating how much my paycheck will be this week, or how much I'll need for school, or to do this or that. It's ridiculous!

I repent and then the next day I'll get an idea of what I can do to overcome this, or where to go or what God wants me to do, but right away there is someone waiting with a shotgun to blow my ideas and dreams to bits because 'it's just not a good idea' if you don't have a billion dollars and a job whenever and wherever you need that doesn't actually exist. Oh, and this is only if I even let myself be so foolish as to actually consider this plan that God is trying to birth in me.

I long for nothing more than to be a humble and sold-out disciple of Jesus Christ, but I can't even take the first step to give up what I have and what the world is telling me I need, then pick up the my cross and follow. My cloak, bag and sandles are apparently much to important. The CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE THAT HAS PROMISED US PROSPERITY AND BLESSING AND THE MEETING OF ALL OF OUR NEEDS AND THOSE AROUND US IF ONLY WE TRUST AND FOLLOW HIM apparently isn't able to provide these few essentials for me, nevermind everything else that our demanding lives require these days.

Maybe I actually need to start moving, and not just following Him in my mind. Brilliant. Let's just hope this time I can find the strength to break through the chains that are holding me back.

God I'm trying to pray that I know that you will provide, but I find my prayer full of holes. PLEASE show me that you love me and care for me, and love to do these things... even though I know it oh so well. Then kick me in the pants until I come to the edge and finally jump, throwing EVERYTHING into your hands. My life, my money, my future. Help me to mean it and say "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain", not "For me to live takes money and a job and worry and stress, and for me to die without having lots of stuff is sure going to be a shame".

All of us need you Jesus. We need you to take over our lives. But you won't do it by force. We must step out and make the choice. and ignore all the other voices telling us not to, focussed alone on your face. I'm beginning to learn just how hard the life of a disciple really is. But I also hold to the promise that no matter how hard it gets, the joy that comes from you Lord is always enough to keep us wanting more.

Help me Jesus. I invite you in. Take over my life and everything with it. Maybe once I believe in your promise it can actually come true. I love you Jesus.