Feed my sheep.

So the other night I was at a worship event in Steinbach, and I was struggling a lot with the whole idea of Loving God. How can we really love God... How do we practically love God with everything... We say with all sincerity that we love God but do we really mean it? How do we know that we mean it? All of those kind of philosophical-type questions that really send you for a loop when you begin to think about them in depth.

I kept asking God how I could know that I actually loved Him, if that makes sense... or more i suppose to know that He knows that I know that I love Him... and to feel that acceptance of my love to Him, and to be able to really recieve back from him the love that He is giving to us. There's a mouthful.

And... How to... well prove that love. And I know we don't have to work for our salvations, it's called grace... But I also know that if we accept that grace then continue to live as we did, something is seriously wrong.

And so God let me wrestle with that a bit. Then He pointed me to a story from the bible. It's a very lovely story really, and I wish to recount it to you.

As a bit of a background, Jesus and the disciples have just spent the last 3 years together, and the disciples have pretty much seen enough to know beyond doubt that Jesus was God, and the life that He called them (us) to as believers. Then Jesus leaves, dies, and rises from the dead. He's appeared to the disciples a few times previously... and this is where we catch up with the start of the story.

Peter, in all His genius and experience, decides that he's going to go fishing... and the others follow him. Now I don't know if it's because He was sick of waiting for Jesus or was just hungry, but in any case I don't think he was supposed to be fishing... He was trying to meet his own needs instead of letting Jesus do that for Him. (Highlighted by the fact that they catch nothing).

Then Jesus rocks up. And asks if they caught any breakfast (though I'm pretty sure He knew full well that they didn't...). Then He tells them (professional fishermen, by the way...) to throw the net on the other side of the boat. Wow. Why didn't they think of that. The fish were obviously favoring the other side of the boat. But they did it. And caught more than they could handle.

It's about this time that they realize it is Jesus standing on the shore. So Peter (once again, a genius) puts all his clothes back on then dives into the water to swim to Jesus. The others take a boat. (though to Peter's credit, I like to think he just loved Jesus that much that nothing would get in his way).

So they get to shore, Peter fully clothed and soaked through, and the rest pulling in the fish on a boat. Jesus is chillin with some breakfast over the fire. He passes it out, referring to the fish a few times... then He starts to chat with Peter. And He says "Peter, do you love me more than these?" Now I like the point that Donald Miller brings up here... Jesus is asking Peter if he loves Him more than the fish. Why else would John (a man who wastes few words) mention the fish a half dozen times? And so the question to Peter is not just whether he loves Jesus, but whether he loves Jesus more than his career, his life, his provision, his job security and self.

And of course, as we always do, he says yes, of course He loves Jesus. So Jesus says "Tend [or feed] my lambs". Okaaaay.
Then Jesus asks again... "Do you love me"? "Yes". "Then shepard my sheep." okay...
Then once more. "Do you love me?""YES! (slightly agitated that Jesus would even hint at the fact that He doesn't buy it)". "Then tend (or feed) my sheep." What is it about the sheep!?

Then Jesus says something beautiful. Essentially it is this: when you were young and immature you did what you pleased... but when you get old you will not do anything for yourself, but go where you may not wish to. (alluding to Peter's death on the cross, but applicable, in my opinion, to wherever God may be leading us). Then He says simply... "Follow me".

Then Peter (the genius), after hearing all this... says "Hey but what about him? (pointing to John)." Wow. Can you miss the point any further? (oh wait, we do all the time)

And Jesus, gently and patiently, says that it doesn't matter where Jesus is taking John or what he is doing, but says "You-follow me."

But something must have clicked in Peter, finally. Because we read about how he helped start the church, and was faithful until death on a cross, doing all sorts of wonders and following Jesus to the end.

I think that this is a glimpse at what it means to love. Not just to say we love God then not do anything about it. That, apparently, is meaningless. Jesus tells Peter (who followed Him closely and personally for 3 years, mind you... more than we can say for ourselves a lot of the time) that "if you really love me, feed my sheep". Translation? DO SOMETHING! Love people. Feed them. Shepard them. Disciple them. Help them. Introduce them to Jesus. but most importantly, follow Jesus.

Loving God, loving Jesus... it's not something we can just confess. It is something we must live out in everything we do to make it authentic. It's not enough to call ourselves committed, or worship or say we Love Him. The most important commandment of all is to Love God with all of our hearts, minds, souls and strength. or Passion, prayer, intelligence and energy. Feed the lambs, the homeless, the lost and the hurting. Then shepard them as they grow into sheep. Then feed them again once they are sheep, never losing sight of God. And give everything to the cause. Follow Jesus.

And at that point you will be able to look back and say "I loved Jesus. And I love Jesus."

But you won't have to say it. Because you won't have to convince Him, or yourself, or anyone else that you do... Because you will just know.

So the question becomes, for me just as well as any of you... who are we trying to convince?