Feed my sheep.

So the other night I was at a worship event in Steinbach, and I was struggling a lot with the whole idea of Loving God. How can we really love God... How do we practically love God with everything... We say with all sincerity that we love God but do we really mean it? How do we know that we mean it? All of those kind of philosophical-type questions that really send you for a loop when you begin to think about them in depth.

I kept asking God how I could know that I actually loved Him, if that makes sense... or more i suppose to know that He knows that I know that I love Him... and to feel that acceptance of my love to Him, and to be able to really recieve back from him the love that He is giving to us. There's a mouthful.

And... How to... well prove that love. And I know we don't have to work for our salvations, it's called grace... But I also know that if we accept that grace then continue to live as we did, something is seriously wrong.

And so God let me wrestle with that a bit. Then He pointed me to a story from the bible. It's a very lovely story really, and I wish to recount it to you.

As a bit of a background, Jesus and the disciples have just spent the last 3 years together, and the disciples have pretty much seen enough to know beyond doubt that Jesus was God, and the life that He called them (us) to as believers. Then Jesus leaves, dies, and rises from the dead. He's appeared to the disciples a few times previously... and this is where we catch up with the start of the story.

Peter, in all His genius and experience, decides that he's going to go fishing... and the others follow him. Now I don't know if it's because He was sick of waiting for Jesus or was just hungry, but in any case I don't think he was supposed to be fishing... He was trying to meet his own needs instead of letting Jesus do that for Him. (Highlighted by the fact that they catch nothing).

Then Jesus rocks up. And asks if they caught any breakfast (though I'm pretty sure He knew full well that they didn't...). Then He tells them (professional fishermen, by the way...) to throw the net on the other side of the boat. Wow. Why didn't they think of that. The fish were obviously favoring the other side of the boat. But they did it. And caught more than they could handle.

It's about this time that they realize it is Jesus standing on the shore. So Peter (once again, a genius) puts all his clothes back on then dives into the water to swim to Jesus. The others take a boat. (though to Peter's credit, I like to think he just loved Jesus that much that nothing would get in his way).

So they get to shore, Peter fully clothed and soaked through, and the rest pulling in the fish on a boat. Jesus is chillin with some breakfast over the fire. He passes it out, referring to the fish a few times... then He starts to chat with Peter. And He says "Peter, do you love me more than these?" Now I like the point that Donald Miller brings up here... Jesus is asking Peter if he loves Him more than the fish. Why else would John (a man who wastes few words) mention the fish a half dozen times? And so the question to Peter is not just whether he loves Jesus, but whether he loves Jesus more than his career, his life, his provision, his job security and self.

And of course, as we always do, he says yes, of course He loves Jesus. So Jesus says "Tend [or feed] my lambs". Okaaaay.
Then Jesus asks again... "Do you love me"? "Yes". "Then shepard my sheep." okay...
Then once more. "Do you love me?""YES! (slightly agitated that Jesus would even hint at the fact that He doesn't buy it)". "Then tend (or feed) my sheep." What is it about the sheep!?

Then Jesus says something beautiful. Essentially it is this: when you were young and immature you did what you pleased... but when you get old you will not do anything for yourself, but go where you may not wish to. (alluding to Peter's death on the cross, but applicable, in my opinion, to wherever God may be leading us). Then He says simply... "Follow me".

Then Peter (the genius), after hearing all this... says "Hey but what about him? (pointing to John)." Wow. Can you miss the point any further? (oh wait, we do all the time)

And Jesus, gently and patiently, says that it doesn't matter where Jesus is taking John or what he is doing, but says "You-follow me."

But something must have clicked in Peter, finally. Because we read about how he helped start the church, and was faithful until death on a cross, doing all sorts of wonders and following Jesus to the end.

I think that this is a glimpse at what it means to love. Not just to say we love God then not do anything about it. That, apparently, is meaningless. Jesus tells Peter (who followed Him closely and personally for 3 years, mind you... more than we can say for ourselves a lot of the time) that "if you really love me, feed my sheep". Translation? DO SOMETHING! Love people. Feed them. Shepard them. Disciple them. Help them. Introduce them to Jesus. but most importantly, follow Jesus.

Loving God, loving Jesus... it's not something we can just confess. It is something we must live out in everything we do to make it authentic. It's not enough to call ourselves committed, or worship or say we Love Him. The most important commandment of all is to Love God with all of our hearts, minds, souls and strength. or Passion, prayer, intelligence and energy. Feed the lambs, the homeless, the lost and the hurting. Then shepard them as they grow into sheep. Then feed them again once they are sheep, never losing sight of God. And give everything to the cause. Follow Jesus.

And at that point you will be able to look back and say "I loved Jesus. And I love Jesus."

But you won't have to say it. Because you won't have to convince Him, or yourself, or anyone else that you do... Because you will just know.

So the question becomes, for me just as well as any of you... who are we trying to convince?

Christianity

I think we missed the point. The point of what? Well, life, really. Christianity. Jesus.

I'm pretty sure we've managed to turn Christianity into the exact thing that Jesus turned on its head to found Christianity. Judaism in Jesus' day had very little, if any, focus on God, save for its founding principals. The religious leaders were more worried about keeping the religion alive by their own ideas and practices than anything else. They were buying in to the world, not to God.

The world was telling them, as it is telling us, that to succeed in this life a person must ultimately be liked and verified by the people around them. Donald Miller calls this a product of the fall; we search in vain for anything and everything that can give us a sense of worth or validity in this life, validation that was meant to come from God alone. In the garden of Eden, man and God were in perfect unity. Man looked to nothing except for God for validation and worth because he just knew that only God's opinion mattered. After Adam and Eve disobeyed God however, they became separated from God and all that came with that.

And I don't believe that we can really fully understand how that would have affected them. Envision in your mind as I try to paint a picture of how this might have looked:

The Trinity, uncreated and everlasting; living in perfect harmony with one another, serving each other and loving each other, unconditionally. They CANNOT, because of their nature, be any other way. Out of their goodness, they choose to share this life with a creation, to pour out this love and acceptance and glory into a creation, in order that it may feel as they do. A feeling, I have began to realize, that we really cannot even fathom.

Imagine what it must feel like to be unconditionally and unceasingly loved, glorified, accepted, approved and wanted. It's hard, isn't it? Try this; think back to the last time somebody loved you or glorified you or even just accepted something you said or did. Think how great that felt, to be approved by that person, if only for a few minutes. Now imagine how it would feel for that person to be constantly reminding you of that for five minutes straight. It would feel pretty good, wouldn't it?

Now think again how that might feel, as it did in the garden, to have that from God without ever ceasing? Constant, unwavering, unconditional approval and validation of worth from a perfect God. It was enough to make Adam and Eve comfortable and unashamed of their nakedness. It was enough to make Adam and Eve whole enough that God would be walking in the garden with them in the cool of the night. Keep in mind that if there was but a microscopic blemish in either of them, God could not be in their presence. It is in His nature. But this approval from God was enough to keep them from desiring anything but God. They needed nothing else.

But then Satan tricked them and in spite of having all they ever needed, they wanted more. Now in and of itself, that is a lie. There was no more that they could have, God already gave them everything. In reality, by choosing to disobey God, they chose less; much less.

Now continuing our image we are creating, try to see how this choice to disobey really affected Adam and Eve. Sure, we know that they were kicked out of the garden and mankind was plunged into the world of sin. But think how that would have felt. Genesis tells us that right after they disobey, they realize they are naked and are ashamed. The very second they step down from allowing God to be everything they need, they begin to seek affirmation from anything and everything that can give it to them, to fill the void that God alone once filled. They were worried what the other would think of them, so they covered their nakedness to gain affirmation. They hid from God when He came walking toward them, because they were afraid. The day before they had nothing to fear; God affirmed them and loved them because they were pure. But now that they had disobeyed, they no longer were able to receive that from God. God saw the blemish of disobedience in their lives and was not able to get through that barrier. So man had to start seeking affirmation from others that were just as broken. And I cannot pretend to imagine how horrible that must have felt.

The Trinity, as God has shown me lately, is completely relational. Every aspect of how they treat each other is founded in perfect and pure relationship. And man, when first created, was formed into this relationship. The Trinity's identity exists within itself and man's identity was to come from the Godhead alone. And it did. And that was the sole purpose of life; to share in that relationship with God. He pours out glory, love, affirmation and life into us and we, in turn, affirm Him. Not because He needed affirmation from us to continue existing, but because He chose to want a relationship with us.

But from the very beginning of man, we decided to use our free choice to choose something less. We chose something far beneath what God was offering to us and devoted our lives to obtaining this elusive thing, whatever it looks like in our lives, for the sole purpose of gaining back the affirmation that God offered us free in the first place. But it's an endless cycle, because only God CAN give us the affirmation we seek.

Throughout the whole old testament, we see God patiently trying to bring humanity back into relationship with Himself. In fact we often don't see this at all; instead we see a God giving us a list of rules and steps and do's and do-not's. We see Him killing people that are not seemingly good enough for Him, and blessing those who kiss up to Him. We see Him leading Israel by a leash, punishing them when they do something wrong.

But in reality He is just longing for relationship with them again, longing to smash the barriers that are keeping us from our ultimate purpose; to share a mutually affirming relationship with God. The rules and steps are there to try to overcome the barrier, though we keep screwing up because we're looking elsewhere to be loved and it pulls us down. Because He is just, God must kill those who are so lost that they will never come to Him and will take others down with them. And because He longs for us He blesses those who earnestly long for Him.

God stocks the Old Testament full of poetry expressing His longings for us to return to Him from our adulterating ways; to be united as a bridegroom to His bride. And He also includes the writings of those who are longing for Him in the same way, longing to leave our inherent adultery and come back to Him... and the frustrations that come with this journey. It's like He was trying to get some sort of point across, preparing us for the time when it will actually become possible to cross that barrier and be re-united with Him, gaining everything we need in this life directly from Him, no longer needing to look to other broken people for the fulfillment He offers.

And then Jesus enters the scene. Well, enters the scene as a human. He's been there all along in the Trinity. I think that is something we often overlook too, by the way. I do, anyway. I think “Oh, well Jesus is God's son and He sent Him to be sacrificed for us, so God can be in communion with us again.” But John, describing Jesus, says “The Word was first, the Word present to God, God present to the Word. The Word was God, in readiness for God from day one. Everything was created through him; nothing, not one thing, came into being without him.”
Jesus was with God in the Trinity before we were created. He was one of the three who were perfectly living in community with the other two. He was there when we were created and in fact it was through Him that we were created. He was and is God and we lost relationship with Him as well, not just the Father. It was God Himself that came to this earth, not just some angelic son of His. And what did He do when He came? Well, He lived. Then died. Then rose from the dead. Sounds simple enough. But let's try to understand what He actually did.
Well, first of all He left the physical presence of the Trinity. He shared in this perfect community for eternity, before time began. I can't even put to words how hard it must have been to leave this to come live as a human for 33 years. Now sure, 33 years is hardly an atom compared to eternity. But to leave the presence of the Trinity, even for that amount of time, must have been something that left Him feeling horribly empty. No wonder He would frequently go off into the desert alone to spend time with them and be re-filled. So why did He do it, if it was so horrible?
Because He wanted to share that with us. Remember, the reason He created us in the first place? He gave up the perfect community of the Trinity that we, humans, might have a second shot at sharing it with them, unhindered, once again. He lived with humans, the very humans that rejected Him right after He created them, so that they would have a second chance to accept Him. He came, lived a life free of sin, died because we still rejected Him, then rose from the dead to go back to be with the Father in the Trinity. But it worked.

Finally, we could once again enter unhindered into a relationship with God, if we would so choose. Finally, we no longer had to try to get back to God on our own strength. The rules and laws from the Old Testament, Jesus fulfills them through His strength if we allow Him to, making us unblemished once again before God.

Christianity, from this understanding, is essentially nothing more than choosing to pursue the relationship that God offered us from the very beginning. But this time, our choice to choose something less than what He offers will only affect ourselves; everybody on earth has the choice to choose to enter into perfect community with the Trinity now.

And yet, after all this, we still choose to ignore God.

We decide that we're better off trying to find affirmation in others than in God. We focus our whole lives on collecting stuff and putting others down and pushing our own agendas so we can feel accepted by others, but it's a false and fleeting acceptance. They only accept us because it will make others like them and when we're no longer of use we get pushed away. Empty, once again.

We treat Christianity like this as well, but instead of looking to God for the affirmation we look to others within Christianity and to the institution of church and ultimately away from God. We read books that tell us we are good Christians, hop churches until we find a pastor or priest that tells us what we want to hear, surround ourselves with people that build us up so we feel good. We read the bible and make lists of things that are relatively easy to accomplish, lists that we say will get us to heaven and make us Christians.

Once again, we have lost our focus... on life, Christianity and ultimately Jesus. Instead of sharing Jesus with those who don't know Him, we tell them that if they believe what we say they will become like us and we will affirm them. If you're Canadian or American you're a Christian, and we affirm you for that. If you say you believe the points on this tract, we will consider you a Christian and give you the acceptance you seek. If you are immersed in water, eat bread and wine and seem really spiritual when you worship, we will accept you and call you one of us.
And all the while Jesus is standing in the background, saying that if we love Him, He will accept us. If we accept that all we will ever need is Him, we will be fulfilled. If we enter into the relationship that He is calling us back to all throughout the bible, we will never long for affirmation from others again, we will have all we need from God. He did this on earth and people followed. Though it was the people whom nobody else would love or accept that began to follow Him. Those that others accepted were too lost in the lie to notice what Jesus was offering... they thought they already had it.

And we do this today, still. If only I had that car, or that shirt, or those shoes. I would be accepted, life would have meaning. If that girl would marry me, or if I do enough drugs they will accept me... if I seem to be cool enough, life will be fulfilling.

Jesus is weeping because those who don't know Him are believing the lie and living in pain instead of coming to Him and living with joy. But nobody will tell them that they can. Instead, we (by we I mean Christians) believe the lie as well and feed it, turning people away from Jesus. We tell ourselves that our efforts are pure, that our motives are focused on love.

I think we've missed the point. I think we're missing the point. And I think we're missing Jesus. And I know that we'll continue to miss the point unless we somehow find Jesus again in this world, in the real way that He has offered Himself to us.

Think back to all the people you've ever come into contact with. Now of those people, how many have you honestly introduced to Jesus? Not to Christianity, not to lists or rules or their sin. But to Jesus? Now to compare, how many have you turned away from Jesus? Either by letting them down by trying to use Christianity to affirm them yourself, or by putting them down so others will affirm you... or by using them to affirm yourself or even by trying to persuade them to follow the steps to become a Christian, subconsciously offering affirmation from yourself and others in the church.

And I ask myself, because the answer is an overwhelming landslide in the wrong direction, why? Well, I personally think it's because we've forgotten how to love. And more importantly, how to be loved. I'm pretty sure at the beginning, Adam and Eve didn't have much problem with these things. There was nothing to not get; God loved them with everything He had and was, and they loved Him back to the same capacity. But after the fall, things changed. God still loved man with everything... but man was no longer able to receive it unhindered. This lack of receiving love therefore affected their capacity to love, which spiraled downwards until Jesus came to earth. He came to teach us how to love and more importantly how to once again be loved.
He didn't expect His disciples to get it all at once. He was incredibly patient. But He loved them. And eventually they learned this, though it took them years. Throughout Jesus' life in the gospels, we see a picture of Jesus loving everyone unconditionally, while His disciples were still arguing three years later about who was the greatest among them. Still looking for affirmation in others. But slowly, towards the end of the gospels and into the rest of the new testament, we see them finally start to get it. Jesus loved them, and it was enough. They learned how to be loved.

Once this happened, it didn't take much to learn to love others. The kingdom of God was thriving because it was based on introducing others to the love the believers shared with God. But we've somehow forgotten this over the years.

Mark 12:29-31 “Jesus said, "The first in importance is, "Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.' And here is the second: "Love others as well as you love yourself.' There is no other commandment that ranks with these."

We've stopped loving God with all of our passion and prayer and intelligence and energy. We say we love God, but we don't even know what love means anymore. We cannot love ourselves until we know that God loves us. And we cannot love others until we love ourselves. There is no other commandment that ranks with these, Jesus says. But we don't even know how to do these anymore.

So what's the answer? What steps do we have to follow to get this back? Well, there aren't any. At least no set list, anyway. That's the wonderful thing about Christianity that we've lost over the past hundred years, or more. It's about a personal relationship with Jesus. He can show us exactly how to re-learn love and how to receive His love. We just have to ask Him, meaning it when we ask it.

Jesus longs to bring us back to Himself, believe me; He will jump at the opportunity if we allow Him to. There is however one thing I know for sure and Shawn McDonald says it simply but powerfully: It's time to confess that I need a little more Jesus inside of me... and Don't you see, if you do not learn love, then you will be completely nothing. You could be absolutely amazing here on earth... but you would be nothing.

Learn love. Ask Jesus to teach you. Then do whatever it takes to get a little more of Him inside of you... and show others the Jesus that you have fallen in love with.

Catholic Churchs and renovations.

Hi so I've discovered that I'm a slacker and I apologize... though I have spent pretty much every waking moment since thursday the 23rd either at work or with SOAR Heartland... so forgive me. Today I will post a speech I gave this morning at a Catholic Church (Yup God's pretty cool, gettin me around), hopefully you get some inspiration. I have the next two weeks off (Boston Pizza's renovating), and about 7 new books to read... so expect some more frequent posts and rants! enjoy. It's pretty long.

Hello there. For those of you who don't know me, which is most of you, my name is Adam Jarvis. I've recently returned from Australia with the organization “Youth With A Mission”. Youth With A Mission, or YWAM for short, is an international, inter-denominational mission organization, founded in 1960.

Taken from their website, “Youth With A Mission (YWAM) is an international movement of Christians from many denominations dedicated to presenting Jesus personally to this generation, to mobilizing as many as possible to help in this task, and to the training and equipping of believers for their part in fulfilling the Great Commission. As citizens of God's kingdom, we are called to love, worship, and obey our Lord, to love and serve His Body, the Church, and to present the whole gospel for the whole person throughout the whole world.” Simply put, their mandate is to know God and make Him known.

The prerequisite for pursuing the vast majority of ministry opportunities within YWAM is what is called a “Discipleship Training School”, or a DTS for short, and this is what I was doing in Australia.
Taken once more from YWAM's website, “Discipleship Training Schools (DTS) aim to prepare messengers of the gospel, helping students to know God in depth. The goal is to form Christian character and establish Biblical relationships while developing a daily walk with God. This intensive Christian training course begins with an 11 or 12 week classroom phase followed by a typically 12 week outreach.
DTS is designed to encourage students to develop in personal character, to cultivate a living relationship with God, and to identify their unique individual gifts and callings in God. Cross-cultural exposure and global awareness are special emphasis throughout these courses, preparing the students to reach current and future generations and answer the call to "Go into all the world and make disciples of all nations" Matthew 28:19.”

My DTS was based in Brisbane and we spent the first four and a half months hearing lectures and doing ministry all along the east coast of Australia, then the last 6 weeks in Vanuatu (a country in the pacific islands, about 2 hours off the coast, near Fiji). The lecture topics covered a wide variety in order create a firm Christian base in the participant, preparing them for outreach and on, wherever God calls them in their lives. Topics included things such as the fear of the Lord, the Lordship of Jesus in our lives, the character and nature of God, the Holy Spirit, Spiritual warfare, Worship, bible study and more.

However I feel I am getting slightly ahead of myself here. Father Mark asked me if I would share a bit about my adventure, how I've grown and what God has taught me. And I will do that. I just feel that it is equally important to hear the first part of the story, the part where God began to get a hold of me.

As a child, I grew up in the catholic church. I was baptized as an infant, took my first communion in grade two, took catechism until grade 6 and went to church pretty much every week. But looking back there is one thing I recognize more clearly than ever, which is that God really meant nothing to me. Christianity was routine and religion, nothing more, and this apathy is something that affects the church all over.

When I was in junior high we attended Eastview church, a community church with Mennonite heritage. It was around this time that I claim my entry into Christianity; when I accepted Jesus as my savior. But I still admit that I really had no idea what this meant for me. Sure, I prayed before bed, I still went to church and youth activities every week and would piously admit that I was a Christian to anyone who asked. But I didn't get it. And even worse than not getting it, I didn't know there was anything more to get. And this continued for several years.

Come high school, I would estimate around the end of grade 10, I finally began to understand that there was an awful lot that I was not getting about this Christianity thing. And that bothered me. I saw a respected member of my church bluntly turn away a man that needed help at the doors of our church without even really trying to help. I saw so much within Christianity that really made me start to ask some serious questions. Not so much questions of doubt or unbelief that these things often lead to, but more questions of whether there should be a whole lot more to this thing we call Christianity. Whether going to church and youth group and saying a quick prayer before bed was really enough.

Frankly, I was bored. Christianity had become a nice hobby, an add-on to life. It was tame, easy, safe and quite dull. Every now and again God would give me a boost and I would see someone or experience something that was real and right on board with God. But I would then drop back down to my surroundings, frustrated with what people tried to pass off as Christianity, but not having the slightest clue what to do about it. But slowly, God started to open my eyes and lead me on a journey to start understanding some of the questions I was asking.

In both grades eleven and twelve, God led me to attend a short term inner city mission trip called “SOAR Heartland”, with Youth Mission International, right here in Winnipeg. It was this program that God used to really start revealing Himself to me. He showed me people much like myself, that were sick of “just getting by” with Christianity, if you can even call what they practice Christianity. God showed me just enough of Himself to get me thirsty for all that I could get from Him. He taught me to worship Him, authentically, and to worship Him alone. He taught me a bit about what it means to love, both to love Him and others, by taking me to a children's ministry in the inner city for a week. And most importantly, He taught me that there is indeed a whole lot more to this thing we call Christianity, if we so choose to desire after it.

The second year I was attending the SOAR program, something was read to us that really got my attention. It was a prophetic vision from God, found written on the wall of a prayer room. The vision focuses a lot on the emerging generation in the church, those about 30-35 years or younger. The reading is essentially a poetic description of the life of a passionate disciple of God, the life that Jesus calls us to; and a practical application. It is to be read as God's vision and hope for our generation, that we would be available and willing to go where He leads us. I want to read this piece to you now. It goes like this:

“So this guy comes up to me and says "what's the vision? What's the big idea?" I open my mouth and words come out like this…
The vision? The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus. The vision is an army of young people. You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism.

They laugh at 9-5 little prisons. They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday. They wouldn't even notice. They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.
They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence. They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.

What is the vision? The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best. It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation. It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games. This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause. A million times a day its soldiers choose to lose that they might one day win the great 'Well done' of faithful sons and daughters. Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don't need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: "COME ON!"

And this is the sound of the underground. The whisper of history in the making. Foundations shaking. Revolutionaries dreaming once again. Mystery is scheming in whispers. Conspiracy is breathing… This is the sound of the underground

And the army is discipl(in)ed. Young people who beat their bodies into submission. Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms. The tattoo on their back boasts "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain".

Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them? Can hormones hold them back? Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them?

And the generation prays like a dying man, with groans beyond talking, with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and with great barrow loads of laughter! Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cozy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mold them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive. Inside.

On the outside? They hardly care. They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide. Would they surrender their image or their popularity? They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days, they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them. Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.) Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus. Their words make demons scream in shopping centers.
Don't you hear them coming?
Herald the weirdo's! Summon the losers and the freaks. Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes. They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon.
How do I know? Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God. My tomorrow is his today. My distant hope is his 3D. And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from hero's of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.”

I still get goosebumps every time I read that. It puts into words, better than I could ever hope, the longings of my heart, everything Christianity should be. Integrity. Purity. Adventure. Life. Jesus. It outlines just the kind of life we are to strive for. Not being caught up in the world. We are to be in the world, Jesus tells us, but not of it. Materialism, peer pressure, the opinions of others, the rights we so often cling to, money and stability... These things will not matter and won't be able to pull us down. The vision is to live for Jesus in every action we do, to not leave Him out of anything. To long after purity, to its full extent. Being integral, but not just enough to get by. We will be the soldiers of God, but not against people; against the powers of evil that rule this world... and we would lay down our lives for the cause. Nothing but God will be able to mold us and from nobody but God will we get our identity.

Our lives will not be our own, but the property of God. It would no longer be we that live, but Christ that lives in us. Purity, integrity, disciplining our minds and bodies to not lust after things of the flesh and the world, being completely free in God but giving that up out of love to serve God, and through that to serve others. These are the answers. This is the longing of God, of creation, that we would be completely dependent on and devoted to God.

But I didn't know how to get there. I wanted these things, but they eluded my grasp. And I prayed. Oh did I pray, like never before. I prayed through Isaiah 6:1-8 more times than I can remember. God, in all His majesty, sitting on a throne before me, and I am lying before Him in misery as I know I am not worthy. “Woe is me! I am ruined! I am a man of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the Lord!” And I picture God cleansing me and asking who will go for Him to His people. And I prayed, I yelled, I longed that it would come to pass, that I would go. I would go for Him. I wanted this life He was offering. But I didn't know how to get it. But I wanted it. So I asked God to show me how to get there.

And before I knew it, I found myself on a plane over the Pacific ocean, heading to Australia. Whatever this YWAM was, I was determined to use it to get to God in a new way... and let Him get to me. And He rocked me. And I loved it.

Before I could really understand what God was doing, I found myself not only learning so much about God and myself, but right in the middle of ministering to others.

But aside from lectures, God used a lot of our experiences to teach me just as much, if not more than a lecture ever could. It was in King George Square that I learned what evangelism can look like and how God can do amazing things through our obedience. It was a large public area in front of the parliament building and right near a large outdoor mall, in the middle of Brisbane's downtown. We would frequent that area most Fridays for evangelism, as there were a lot of people and it was public property. We would worship God, right in the square. A guitar or two and a hand drum and about 30 young adults singing and dancing in worship to God. We would begin to fan out and find people to talk to. I had some great conversations with a goth kid who was homeless. His name was Brendon. He's the kind of kid that if you were walking by Him on the street you would not make eye contact, and move to the other side of the sidewalk. His hair was black and he had black makeup and nail polish. He had fishnets on His arms and a shirt with Marilyn Manson on it. But God told me to talk with Him.

And you know what? It turns out that he didn't try to kill me, or cuss me out, or eat me or kidnap me or cast a spell on me, as we seem to fear that these people we don't understand may do. No, actually he just wanted to talk, as I found out. And by talking to him, I showed him a love that he hadn't felt in a long time. Maybe not ever. I cared. And through that, I showed Him that God cared. Whenever we went back to the square I would look for him and when he was there, we talked. I think God did something in his life, because I was willing to take the time to care.

We brought a sign that said “free prophecy”. That turned some heads. And changed some hearts. Some girls came up to see if we were crazy or something, but we told them what God wanted them to hear. One of them had a sister that she was not really close with anymore, in fact they were barely talking, and she needed to make things right. And I told her that, because God told me that. That freaked them out. (it was true, by the way). Some other people from our team received prophetic words that God thought them to be beautiful, and that they didn't need to worry about what others told them about their looks. God liked them just how they were. It touched them in a way that only God can do. We told them Jesus loved them and they left. But they left changed, one step closer to God, because we decided that we would go.

One night there was a group of ruffians in the square and they were quite adamant that we shut up and stop singing and they told us so with language not quite suitable for a church. I think they threw some plastic bottles towards us. By the end of the night we were sitting and talking with them all; God got their attention.

The place? Gold Coast; Australia's tourist trap on the ocean. The opportunity? Officially, it was called “Schoolies”. To the participants, it was an excuse for a week of partying, drinking, drugs and sex. Much the same idea as spring break for college students, Schoolies is a week of celebration the week after graduation for grade 12 students. I'm not sure how many exactly, but with a modest estimate of 30 000 grade 12 students coming for a week to live in hotels and party on the ocean, it's pretty much the perfect place for a bunch of Christians to take up residence.

They call themselves the “Red Frog Crew”, or officially they are known as Hotel Chaplaincy. The role is to help schoolies (the students) have a safe and fun time, showing the love of God every step of the way. We joined up with this organization to serve the students and show them God's love. We made them pancakes in their hotel rooms in the morning. We went through the hotels door to door collecting their garbage for them and cleaning up their rooms. We responded to phone calls to the hot line and went to chat with, console, minister to and just hang out with the kids.

Most were dumbfounded that we would give up our week to come and serve them. To make them pancakes in the morning, then do their dishes and clean their rooms. And have more fun doing it then they were having while partying. We showed them God's awesome love by serving them and they got the message. It led to amazing conversations.

After seeing us be authentic for Jesus, hearing our testimonies, hearing what God had to say to them personally and feeling His love for maybe the first time in their lives, one of the rooms we went to all gave their lives to Jesus. One of the guys cried when he heard God tell him that He loved him and loved him just how he was. We saw them again later in the week and they were happier, not partying nearly as much and we could see a visible change in them. This is Jesus. This is the more that I knew existed somewhere.

In another room of all guys we went to help clean up some broken glass. We ended up talking for about an hour and serving them by cleaning up. They were interested, we had them hooked. But not on us. On Jesus. As far as I know they didn't accept Jesus. But God brought them closer than they ever have been.

In all, I think about 100 students gave their lives to Jesus that week. Because we chose to give up our week to serve them and love them, when everyone else wanted to either take advantage of them or judge them.

And then we got to Vanuatu. Now Vanuatu is a very interesting country, spiritually speaking. Missionaries have been there for over a hundred years and for the most part pretty much any village you go to, at least on the main islands, have a church and a pastor. But the place is spiritually dead. Sure there are pockets of believers that are passionate and real, but the majority have fallen into habit, tradition and apathetic religiosity. They are Christians because that's what you do. And so we got the opportunity to teach, disciple and help the people rediscover the love of God that was in the church at the beginning.

We made ourselves available to God and He used us in extraordinary ways. We saw the fire in the eyes of the pastors re-ignite. We helped a pastor with a vision of discipleship accomplish more in 6 weeks then he could have done in a year. We were with a group of local youth who were our guides and translators and we were able to disciple them over the weeks, teaching them to make their faith something real and to live it out, and we saw amazing changes in them that God was doing.

But there was one thing that hit me most in Vanuatu. The idea I had in my head before we went was that these people were unreached, because they were natives of Vanuatu. We heard witchcraft was practiced on the islands (which it is), but I assumed that that meant that God wasn't there. We were going to bring God to Vanuatu. We would be the heroes. We would bring the torch, pass it on then carry on.

However, when we got there I began to realize that God was already there, already doing His thing. And as I realized this, I was more able to partner with him to accomplish what He wanted, instead of trying to push our own agenda. It made a difference, because it was God's plan. God showed me a whole new level of life with Him, one where we surrender our lives to Him and let him take us where he wants us to be.

In the end, we didn't see as much “fruit” as I would have secretly hoped... No stories of legs growing back on amputees, or casting out demons or raising people from the dead. Only a handful of salvations. But that didn't matter any more. Because I realized that it's not about the stories we'll be able to tell, and what “we” did. It's about what God has been doing, and what He is doing and what he will continue to do once we're long gone. And the key is partnering with Him whenever we can, trusting Him to let us know what needs to be done, even if it seems menial or unrewarding. Because often it will be. But the results will be amazing, if we only trust God and his timing.

Those were only three of the many ministry experiences God exposed me to with YWAM. I could probably spend all day recalling things we did. But at the end of the day, no matter how fun it was, or how many stories I have to tell, the real measure is how my relationship with God has changed, or matured. And to me, that's the most exciting story of all. In this chapter, God showed me the next step in my pursuit. He showed me the next step to get to the place I desire to be with God. The place described by the vision.

And the next step for me focuses on one thing, which God hammered home, time and time and time and… time again throughout the past six months. Whether it was one of the many lecture topics, ranging from spiritual warfare, to establishing lordship of Christ in your life, to learning about the father heart of God, to worship and prayer, or the books I was reading or the conversations and revelations I was having; God brought them all screaming towards a collision at the same place. It’s a central theme throughout the bible and all powerful men and women of God; from Abraham to David to Daniel to Jesus, Paul and Peter, and everyone in between. The saints of old, Mother Theresa, Billy Graham, Martin Luther and Benny Hin. They all got the point. But we, in our busy, self-centered materialistic, “perfect” lives seem to have missed the point. Big time.

Jesus refers to it as one of the two most important commandments of all and the other most important can’t happen without it. Jesus modeled it perfectly and all of our attempts at pleasing and working for God are futile without it.

It takes a lifetime to begin to achieve and no man save Jesus ever got it completely right. Nor will we ever. It really points to a way of life, a way of living, not just something we must do. Jesus says there are few who will find this way of life to its full potential. But I’ve tasted it. And my life is from here on devoted to achieving it.
Well what is it!? Is what you’re probably thinking… Well, I suppose Jesus, as He is so good at doing, defines it simply and accurately. In Mark 12:30 He says, after being questioned which commandment is the greatest of all, to love the Lord with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength. Or as it says in the Message, love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.
In a word, Intimacy. God desires nothing more than intimacy with His church, with us, with the world. Without a deep, personal, raw, uncensored, unmatched intensely intimate friendship with God my father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, my life, and I dare to say all of our lives, are nominal at best, un-fulfilling and full of hurt. Sure, we can pretend our lives are great without it. We can even pretend to have it. It’s not too difficult when nobody else really knows what it looks like. I was great at pretending. But boy did God send me hurling straight at a wall as soon as I gave Him the chance on DTS. He showed me how full of holes I was, how hypocritical and judgmental I was. And He showed me what true intimacy means, what a relationship with God is meant to look like.

To me it means reading my bible, daily. And not just one verse then patting myself on my pious little back. But however much it takes, and meditating on it. It means getting up at 5 am to spend an hour or 2 with God, simply because you want to, begging Him not to hold back what He has for you today. It means daily coming before God flat on your face, asking Him to show you what He wants you to change in your life, and meaning it. Intimacy with God means realizing that God speaks to each and every one of us, and choosing to shut up for a few minutes a day to listen. It means doing what He says once you’ve listened.
Intimacy is what takes Christianity and separates it from religion. It’s what takes Christianity from being a set of rules, beliefs, values and practices and makes it a lifestyle worth giving up everything for. Which, by the way, is a requirement.

It’s the foundation of Christianity, but in the past hundred years, we in all our wisdom ripped it out and set it up top where it doesn’t belong, as a nice added extra to Christianity, if we would so choose; much like you would while playing Jenga. But all over the world our generation is beginning to rebuild the foundation, from the ground up. It’s evident all through the church in our emerging generation, if you take the time to look.

Now I don’t know about you, but when I read the bible and see verses that command us to be perfect as our father in Heaven is perfect… perfect… and that tell us that Jesus didn’t come to change the laws of the old testament but to finally empower us to fulfill them… and then take them to a new level in which the motives behind our motives become pure to the core of our beings… Oswald Chambers’ words ring truer than ever; “If Jesus is a teacher only, then all He can do is tantalize us by erecting a standard we cannot come anywhere near. But if by being born again from above we know Him first as savior, we know that he did not come to teach us only; He came to make us what he teaches us we should be.” Basically, it’s only possible to become how Jesus teaches us to be if we let HIM make US into what we need to become, which can only happen through intimacy.
I read stories about Jesus healing people, raising them from the dead, casting out demons and setting them free. Then I read that JESUS SAID we will do these things, and then do greater things than these, right after explaining how he does them. How does he do them? By being in the Father. And having the father in Him. Intimacy. Very deep intimacy (mark 14). And then we read stories about the early church and how they would constantly be doing miracles as they walked along the street. Signs. Wonders. Intimate relationship? I think so. Like Paul said, “What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ”. Yeah. Intimacy.

And then I read a small but significant warning from Jesus. In matt 7:13 – 14 He says “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.”

Or as it’s put so well in the Message version, “Don't look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don't fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life--to God!-is vigorous and requires total attention.”

The next step in my walk is engaging in intimacy with God. I have a passion to engage with God on new and exciting levels, experiencing all that He has to offer me. There is a song by an artist named Shawn McDonald called “Have You Ever?” that captures this longing beautifully, and I wish to play it for you.

**PLAY SONG** (I would suggest to you reading to try to find it somewhere.)

Have you ever wanted to be someone? To reach your dreams? Have you ever wanted this life we call Christianity to be more than it seems? I have tasted of a love so wide that it stops all of my time. I have tasted of a love so deep... that it blows my mind. What you're looking for is my sweet sweet Jesus... and intimacy with Him.
Allow Him to blow your mind. Give Him the chance. Just ask. I did, and God answered. Has my thirst for something more, something deeper and something real been quenched? Hardly. God has began to answer my question, but as I continue living this life devoted to Him, I am quite positive that I'll come to realize a depth to my question that can never be fully realized; only momentarily satisfied by an insatiable love for Jesus Christ. After a brief pause of unthinkable joy reflecting on all that Jesus did for me by His own choice and desire, I will be driven by love to keep seeking more and more of God.

I want to close with a quote by Oswald Chambers that really highlights my current understanding of the relationship we share with Jesus and the life He calls us to as His disciples:

“We always say we do not know what Jesus Christ means when we know perfectly well he means something which is a blunt impossibility unless he can remake us and make it possible. Jesus brings us with terrific force straight up against the impossible, and until we get to the place of despair we will never receive from him the grace that enables us to do the impossible and manifest his spirit."

Jesus is calling us into complete and unhindered intimacy with Himself. But we choose to believe that He doesn't really mean that. Maybe we're only supposed to love Him when we feel like it, or when it works for us. But no. Jesus wants intimacy with us 100% of the time. Jesus did nothing other than what he saw His father doing. The only way we can come near this is to accept that it is impossible. Then let Jesus remake us through grace and enable us to do the impossible.

I choose to live the life He calls us to, and do whatever it takes to get there. My prayer is that you will too. Thank you.